an absence of sustenance can cleanse the system at best, and cause hallucinations at worst. while i've skirted certain religious customs and preserved others, the day of atonement fast has remained a personal rite. an accomplishment of which i'm proud, especially when the purpose is to consider the previous year's transgressions. a self-regulating attempt at annual piety, albeit brief.
normally, the struggle would culminate in a visit to synagogue, where i'd waver amongst the malnourished, dressed in itchy formal wear and subjected to uninspired droning. a traditional scenario that was perhaps the most excruciating ritual of the final stretch of abstinence. this year, i was involved in the minimally more palatable option: car shopping.
arriving at the dealership, overcome by hunger, i had to subdue desires to bite into the lemons on the lot. even steel would suffice at the eleventh hour of food deprivation. the onset of optical illusions resulted in compact cars appearing as oversized sandwiches.
fortunately, my state of delirium had not set in yet, but the blinds were drawing on my window for safe test driving. our first vehicle seemed luxurious, at least in comparison to my folks' rides. attractive features dominated the dashboard, but the engine's power turned me into a believer. leading off with the superior model is a crafty procedure, when the subsequent journeys are inevitably compared to the integrity of the initial ride. the ploy worked, and the high-end was a must-have.
settling into comfortable chairs before a desk on the showroom floor, i was acutely aware that the wall-less office allowed anyone within earshot to eavesdrop on our financial transactions. at least cubicles, equally public sound-wise, have visual barriers. here, the private business of bargaining and baiting is completely exposed.
calculations and considerations were bandied by my wife and the sales rep, luckily leaving me out of the equation, since my lack of auto knowledge mixed with famish left me unfocused. our sparring partner was a slick salesman, tossing off catchphrases and doublespeak with ease. Conspicuous family photos and personal anecdotes served to humanize, supporting a pitch which could be mistaken for candour. my shrewd gal would not be fooled or wooed, patiently scrutinizing the flop, turn, and river.
once the specifications were in place, we revealed our hand, writing a figure on paper, as if the formality of the process trumped simply verbalizing our price. our liaison took the paperwork to the faceless authority around the corner, leaving us to discuss our options. he returned promptly with an adjusted figure, only a minimal decrement from the asking price. my wife was unimpressed, and begrudgingly counter offered. avoiding the ritual of disappearing to his superior's office, our guy casually grabbed the phone and punched the extension.
'okay, here's what they're offering. uh-huh. uh-huh. yup. okay.' it was eerily reminiscent of a 'deal or no deal' conference with the silhouetted banker. again, avoiding a direct disclosure, our guy wrote the numerical response on a slip of paper. again, the slight variation irked the wife, who had tired of the tedious haggling. she requested to negotiate in person, and our amused rep encouraged the showdown.
i proudly watched her confidently stride into the manager's glass office, and seat herself across from her nemesis. the brusque approach was appreciated and paid off. she played her pocket aces, the dealer busted, and she cashed her chips in. with that swift transaction, followed by my signature, i became a first-time owner of an automobile.
once the deal was sealed, i broke my fast with immense satisfaction. a delicious discount that i could swallow, with a payment plan i could stomach.
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